February is ending; it’s been a month of opportunities and stress. I’ve started a new business, accepted a marriage proposal, and lots of changes in my work. I am physically exhausted, with a sinus headache going on day three. This is truly one of those times when a universal “pause” button would be nice to have. I know that what’s on my plate right now is nothing compared to what others are dealing with; nonetheless, I’m feeling overwhelmed.
The other night I was at a friend’s house watching the Oscars, and there was one segment in particular that I liked for sentimental reasons: a montage of renowned foreign language films from the last 50 years. I'd seen many of the featured films, and was suddenly reminded of how satisfying they were, and how few foreign films I've seen in the last year, and how much films used to be a part of my life. These days, I'm too busy doing other things, and have far less "alone" time. It used to be that I'd go to the cinema three or four times a week, and watch whatever sounded interesting from the film journals. There were no apologies or explanations or negotiations. There was never a need to find that "common denominator" movie that everyone was willing to see. And I never had to defend my opinion of a movie when it was over.
I miss that. Back in the day I wanted desperately to have more friends, or a sweetheart to go to the movies with. But it was a real gift to be able to develop my taste in cinema on my own.
Maybe it's because of all that's been going on in my life lately, but in those few minutes of watching that montage, I longed for my world to be so small again; for the ability to escape my life so completely just by settling down in front of an art-house drama.
Circumstances have changed dramatically - which is exciting! And I'm learning many things. Nevertheless, I want to reintroduce a few of my old habits, like watching really deep movies by myself. While that was something I started doing out of necessity, at some point it became something I need to do (once in a while) to feel like me.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
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4 comments:
I missed the engagement news the first time around. Congratulations!
How I relate to the nostalgia for your solo movie-going days! I spent a lot of my twenties going to foreign films by myself, and there was something freeing about being able to let a movie take you wherever it led. I especially remember brooding about Tarkovsky's "The Sacrifice" for days after it showed in my campus theater.
Best of luck to you as you juggle everything these days.
Squeee!
I also missed the wedding news! Congraulations.
You know, June is a lovely time to get married... And so many of your friends will be in Portland on a certain weekend in June.
Just sayin'
CC
Gosh, that's RIGHT! Some very fabulous people who would love to share in your happiness will actually be RIGHT THERE in Portland for the end of June. Hmmmmmm. What a nice coinky-dink.
Oh my gosh. We're terrible. Ignore us.
But seriously, that new business website is gorgeous and impressive.
Hang on for the ride, kiddo. Thanks for the reminder of why it's great to go to the movies alone sometimes.
((I know that what’s on my plate right now is nothing compared to what others are dealing with; nonetheless, I’m feeling overwhelmed.))
I think this is important to remember - overwhelmed is overwhelemed, even if it is only relatively small to what some others might be facing. I'm always having to remind myself that just because people are starving and running from militias, that doesn't mean that my stress is just me being wimpy.
And...yay for the wedding!
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